Dear Ojiugo,

Your husband is your head. I have also told him that you are his glory. The crown gracing his young head. Reverence him, he will adore you. Respect him, he will love you.

You both are bosses in different affairs of your home.
You both will rule your home.
You both will lead each other. You both will submit to each other.
You both will care for each other.

Do not swallow everything you read about feminism, hook, line and sinker. Always remember that Mother taught to sift the weed from the chaff. To sift out things that conflict with your spirit. If you must chew these things, do not hesitate to eschew what needs to be eschewed.

I hope you choose femininity to feminism. To be feminine and not feminist. We both know they quite differ. Somehow, I feel ‘feminist‘ is too narrow a word to describe all there is to who you are. Although, Mother believes in gender equality and fair treatment, she does not believe that you have to flex muscles with Nnanna. You are too precious to do that. I think you should not try to go over his head. I hope you would complete him and not compete with him. I believe in your strengths, Ojiugo. You would be all you want to be as a feminine woman. You would.

You know, God himself believes in equality. That’s why you are not a subhuman to your husband. You are as important as Nnanna in your home. I have also told him that. You both are equal in God’s sight. God is not a misogynist for you to think that men are God’s favourites. Everything he does is calculated. Have you wondered why he had made woman from the side of a man, his rib and not from a bone from his head for the woman to rule over her husband or a bone from a man’s feet for him to trample on the woman?

If there is any thing I want you to remain, Ojiugo, it is to remain a woman. The one who’s place is not only in the bedroom, but in the boardroom. The one whose essence is felt both in the sitting room and on the dinning table. I like that I have raised you to be a woman; soft, warm and sweet. To be cuddled and kissed, along with adding value to your man just like the salt that you are.

You do not have to raise your voice to drive home your point, because you weild such influence to make Nnanna do just what you want him to do. You know the right buttons I use on your Father, they should come handy.

I see the trend in marriages is wife battering and uxoricide, but Nnanna has promised to not lay a hand on you. Nevertheless, if his hands forgets to cuddle and take to bashing, do not hesitate to embrace the safety of your father’s house until the wild animal in him is tamed. Afterall, your life is more important to me than any thing in this world. Even God demands that you protect it. Wisdom is profitable to direct. (Prov:123l). A little separation, not divorce, will let the centre hold again.

I hear your mother-in-law already calling you a wife-material, but we both know I have not raised you to become a wife material. I have raised you to become a God-material. A billion yards.

Attaining these feat is by the spirit of God, not your will. I think you should not relegate God to the backdoor of your marrriage. It is a three fold cord between him, Nnnanna and you. (Ecc3:10) I am looking forward to receiving a letter reacting to these things. God’s grace, nwa o ga-adili mma.

Your mother.